On the Theme of Modesty…

By Gregory John Wilson

I have decided to tackle this subject not because I want to focus on it – but because I am seeing the necessity of it being addressed clearly in today’s culture, so females (and males) understand WHY it is important – not just because we Christians are old antiquated fuddy-duddies that can’t get with the picture.

So. Let’s get started…

The Ultimate PURPOSE of Modesty

So let’s ask – WHY do women need to dress with modesty? Did not GOD create their bodies and call them GOOD? Why the need to HIDE their bodies (effectively) with modest clothing?

The answer lies in looking into the WAY God has designed the marital covenant relationship and covenant-faithful sexuality as opposed to promiscuousness.

Let me explain… (Bear with me as I build my point step by step).

In the beginning God created Eve for Adam and they were the first couple. Do we see modern terminology like ‘marriage’ or a marriage ceremony in Genesis? No. Nevertheless, the covenant faithfulness they were to have was affirmed by Jesus in the new testament when He said that what God has joined together, let no man separate:

And He answered and said to them, “Have you not read that He who made them at the beginning ‘made them male and female,’ and said, ‘For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh’? So then, they are no longer two but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate.” Matthew 19:4-6

Combine this with God’s ways He revealed to us regarding adultery in the 10 commandments. That adultery is flat out evil and was actually punishable by death by stoning. This extreme punishment just shows how PASSIONATE God is about FAITHFUL LOVE in marriage and not engaging romantically/sexually with someone who is not your loving spouse.

Thus, when a woman dresses immodestly publicly with tight or revealing clothing or clothing that “sexualizes” her body due to the nature of the clothing, married men can see this and naturally be “turned on” sexually/emotionally by this immodesty. They would be seeing in another woman what they should only see of their wives’ bodies in private in the context of eros romantic sexual love under the banner of agape deep pure love of God in their hearts. And of course, if the man is not strong in guarding his eyes and his heart, this opens the door to him desiring sex - either with that woman specifically, or just in general - and could trigger him to look up sexual images online or flat out pornography and to masturbate - another act of unfaithfulness and defilement – literally from manus: "hand", and stuprare: "to defile" or "to dishonor" (related to stuprum, meaning disgrace).

And thus you see, the immodesty of the woman opens the door to the married man sinning! Ideally he has the self control to not go down that path - but a sensible woman will not want to be a stumbling block. Remember – Jesus taught:

But whoever causes one of these little ones who believe in Me to sin, it would be better for him if a millstone were hung around his neck, and he were drowned in the depth of the sea. Matthew 18:6

And remember, Jesus called His grown bearded disciples little children!! So the verse above applies to grown men as well being caused to sin.

For Unmarried Men

Now, that was addressing married men.

What of unmarried men?

Unmarried men engaging in sexual activity outside of marriage would generally fall into the sin category of fornication, traditionally thought of as any sex outside of marriage.

The word “fornication” in the New Testament comes from the Greek word “porneia” - G4202 in the famous Strong’s concordance (dictionary) of the Bible. To be honest, I am a questioner – like, well HOW do I KNOW the Strong’s is the EXACT correct definition of the word?? And even HAVING the Strong’s does not give us complete understanding - because that Greek word is admittedly used in different WAYS depending on the passage…

In general though – we learn it can refer to many types of unlawful/immoral sexual behaviors, as well as idol worship strangely - probably with the connection of worshipping idols being like prostituting one’s self against faithfulness to God - as He compares Himself to Israel’s husband.

Is Sex Outside Marriage Wrong?

As far as the question regarding if sex outside of marriage is ok or not, the traditional understanding of “fornication” is any sex outside of marriage, although if you really seek out a root biblical definition of the word (examined above) - it doesn’t explicitly say any sex outside marriage, although I would still say biblically, any sex outside marriage is sin, missing the mark of God’s ideal intention.

So we have to use our brains a bit here, guided by scripture - to deduce this. I want to make mention of a commandment in the Torah:

“If a man entices a virgin who is not betrothed, and lies with her, he shall surely pay the bride-price for her to be his wife. If her father utterly refuses to give her to him, he shall pay money according to the bride-price of virgins.” Exodus 22:16-17, NKJV

Thus, we learn here from this passage that if a man and woman have relations outside (before) marriage – in terms of two single people (not adultery per se) - that the man is to pay the “bride-price” and then MARRY the woman. That is to say, the Bible does not support just casual sex with no marriage commitment attached. If sex comes first, the man is to make it right and marry the woman and care for her - and not just leave her, or worse, leave her pregnant to try to care for the baby just by herself!

It seems rather obvious as well, though, that the IDEAL is that the couple court or date one another FIRST, hopefully with their parents or the community supporting them in this – and that they become properly engaged to one another, and then have a beautiful ceremony declaring their lifelong commitment to each other, and THEN comes the “frosting on top” – the sexual relationship. A couple just having relations first is more just animalistic/self-seeking instead of it being in the context of a bigger commitment – where the fruit of relations (CHILDREN) - can be loved in a stable environment and raised up well with their parents loving and supporting them.

Remember, in Matthew 19:4-6 mentioned above, it says when a man and woman come together they become ONE FLESH!! Take a look also at 1 Corinthians 6:15-17:

“Do you not know that your bodies are members of Christ? Shall I then take the members of Christ and make them members of a harlot? Certainly not! 16 Or do you not know that he who is joined to a harlot is one body with her? For ‘the two,’ He says, ‘shall become one flesh.’ 17 But he who is joined to the Lord is one spirit with Him.” 1 Corinthians 6:15-17

So the Word is saying that EVEN in a so-called “one night stand” with a harlot – even THAT constitutes becoming one flesh with that harlot!! This could explain the feeling of someone’s heart being broken up into so many pieces if they have been with many different partners. And thus, this passage supports that the person with whom you engage sexually becomes PART of you – and thus you should only engage sexually with the person you have developed a loving relationship with - who will become your loving partner for life in all things – so that that unity is not broken as Jesus says should not happen in Matthew 19:6 - “Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate.”

Conclusion

Coming back around to the original thrust of this article – MODESTY – we can see that IMMODESTY thus opens the door to unfaithfulness on the part of married men, and for lack of better term, “fornication” (or sex outside marriage) on the part of unmarried men. Immodesty puts the cart before the horse, so to speak - stirring up desire in inappropriate public situations, which could lead to broken families – single moms trying to raise their kids and having to work - if the man does not commit to marry, as well as broken hearts and pain if the couple separates without making that loving commitment to love each other for life - as Jesus commands should be done in Matthew 19:6.

Jesus said, “what God has brought together, let no man separate” – He didn’t say, “let no man separate for 10 or 20 or 50 years” he said “let no man separate” PERIOD. And thus the traditional marriage vows “til death do us part” DOES find its foundation in sound biblical teaching from our Lord and Master Jesus.

And thus, let women adorn themselves modestly – (but it doesn’t have to be ugly or distasteful or too exteme, in the case of radical Muslim practice).

Yes, great responsibility ALSO lies in the hearts and minds of men – that they learn to grow in self control with intimate communion with God - and can divert their eyes, heart, and mind if presented with tempting situations in public – so as to be completely faithful to their wives in mind and heart and body - not masturbating either or lusting after digital images on devices. If this is an issue I would recommend men just getting off of any social media network where provocative content could show up easily. I personally am so happy to have left Facebook behind. The videos tab was so accessible and the feed could be filled with very indecent sexual videos. I had to just toss the whole thing to avoid the risk of falling into sin – which, if fallen into, is then very hard and painful to have to confess to wife etc. The Lord’s strong discipline with me in this area has, praise Him, led me to fear Him in this, and STEAR CLEAR of this sin.

Last note – married couples - as the word says, do not deprive one another in relations, (except with mutual consent to devote to prayer etc) – because if the couple is fulfilled in this way, enjoying ONE ANOTHER – this also totally lessens the risk of one or the other falling into any sort of unfaithfulness or sexual immorality.

So. Women - dress modestly so as to not be a snare to another man in public, even if no relationship comes of the immodesty. Remember, your immodest dress could simply stir the man up as well to seek after sexual content online and masturbate - which is sin as well, which could find its spark in the original situation of your immodest dress. And men, find your satisfaction, first spiritually in God and Jesus and the Spirit – and then physically, with your wife. If you are not married and “burn with passion” as the Word says, seek after a wife and pray God leads you to the right woman in His time, and in the meantime, DELIGHT yourself in your personal, wonderful relationship with HIM, and occupy your time seeking to serve Him or save money from a job for a house etc, to prepare for your future family.

Shalom - peace to all. Thanks for reading if you did, and feel free to comment or question in an email to me - shepherdsembraceministries@gmail.com.

Sincerely,
-Gregory John Wilson

shepherdsembraceministries@gmail.com